Winter Beginnings Read online

  Dean reached over and patted him on the back. ‘Hey,’ he said, his voice kind, ‘chin up.’ Ben looked up, misery in his tear-filled eyes. ‘Does your mum know this is what happened?’

  A silent, slow shake of the head.

  ‘Okay. I’m going to straighten a few things out before you go home. You’re not going to get in any more trouble and Nina’s going to apologise to you tomorrow, so I want you to think about what you might like to say to her. But it won’t be a chance to get back at her, you understand?’

  ‘I don’t want to get back at her.’

  ‘Good. That’s very grown-up of you. Now listen, I need your help with something. Can you do me a favour while I talk to your mum?’

  Ben wiped his nose on his arm and nodded. ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Take this blower here, that’s right, and squeeze the trigger.’ A loud burst of air shot out of the nozzle. ‘Compressed air,’ he explained. ‘It’s excellent for cleaning out hard-to-reach spots. See where I’ve been working here? I need you to spray air all over the area to get any grit out. Can you do that?’

  Ben seemed to be forgetting his tears. He squeezed the nozzle again, testing the tool’s power, then smiled with one side of his mouth. ‘Okay.’

  ‘Good man.’ Dean pushed away from the car and walked to the next work bay. As he touched Marty’s forearm to get his attention, there was a whoosh of air. The men nodded at each other, and Dean left the garage confident that Marty would keep an eye on young Ben.

  Alice was wrapping up a phone call when he stepped into the reception area.

  ‘I don’t know, Beverley, I didn’t ask. Your car’s ready, and you can pick it up before five o’clock or after eight-thirty tomorrow morning. Okay, bye.’ Alice returned the phone to its cradle and picked up a pen. She took her time looking up at Dean.

  ‘What did Bev want to know?’ he asked, easing into the conversation carefully.

  ‘If you’d found anything embarrassing in her car.’

  ‘You mean, apart from the dirty magazine and the pair of knickers?’

  Alice smiled with one side of her mouth, just like her son.

  He moved further into the room. ‘I find a lot of underwear, you know. It’s actually pretty common. But I don’t like to think too much about why.’ He paused. ‘So listen, I owe you an apology.’ He dragged one of the customer seats over to the shiny new desk Ethan had installed yesterday, and sat opposite her. ‘I haven’t been around much today, I’m sorry about that.’

  ‘Okay.’

  Wow. This woman could bottle brevity and make a fortune. He pressed on. ‘I’ve just been having a little chat with Ben. Things are about to become a whole lot clearer, so take the phone off the hook and disarm your laser eyes.’

  Chapter 4

  Home now after twenty minutes of emotional conversation in the car with her son, Alice was readying herself to change roles. She was still thinking about what Dean had told her, but she didn’t have any more time to deal with it. She liked his idea of bringing the kids together early tomorrow morning before school, but she wasn’t looking forward to losing an hour of sleep for it.

  Standing in her bedroom, Alice unzipped her caramel-coloured pants and stepped out of them, straight into a pair of nondescript black ones. She pulled the zip up, dragged a plain white shirt from its hanger then buttoned it up over her singlet. Her earrings went in the small crystal bowl that had belonged to her mother, and her hair was kept up and out of her face. The last of her concealer went over the shadows under her eyes. She stared at the empty bottle for a long moment before dropping it into the bin.

  There wasn’t the money to buy more until Thursday.

  Stepping out of her room, she found Ben sitting at the small table in the kitchen, his arms crossed on the wood and his expression glum. It twisted her heart every time she had to go to work when there was something bothering him, but she only ever called in sick for emergencies, because when she didn’t go in she didn’t get paid. Tonight’s money was going to get Ben a couple of pairs of bigger shoes.

  ‘Okay, kiddo, chin up. There’s leftover spag bol in the fridge—microwave it for about three minutes when you’re hungry. Stir it after a little while so it heats evenly.’

  Ben sighed and dropped his forehead onto his arms. ‘Dean says “chin up”.’ His voice bounced strangely on the tabletop.

  ‘Well, Mr Foster’s a clever man. And I’m your mother.’ She raised her brows when Ben lifted his head to look at her. ‘So when a clever man and your mother tell you the same thing, it’s probably excellent advice.’

  He shook his head and rolled his eyes, but she saw his smile before he buried it in his arms.

  If only things were simpler, she thought, regret and guilt heavy on her heart. If his father gave half a damn about Ben, if Ben had more school friends, hell, if she could afford after-hours care, she wouldn’t have to leave him alone each night that work dragged her away from him.

  He was a resilient kid. Independent. But Alice wished things were different.

  ‘Did you want to come to work with me?’ He’d sat out the back a few times, kept himself busy. Slept in the sick bay when he’d run out of steam.

  He shook his head without looking up.

  ‘Okay. I’ve got to go.’ She stepped around the table and kissed his mess of hair. His hand shot up and seized her wrist as she straightened, then he was standing up and moving into the circle of her arms.

  They hugged for a moment that was both long and too short, then she kissed his forehead and stepped away.

  ‘Double-check everything’s locked. Go see Claire next door if there’s a problem and she’ll call me. If it’s life or death—and no less—call your grandfather. The pony needs to be fed, I’ll be home before midnight, and I love you.’

  ‘We don’t have a pony.’

  ‘Just checking you were listening.’

  They smiled at each other and she stepped outside. She waited on the front step until she heard the comforting sound of locks clicking into place, then she strode to the car, ready to start again.

  Chapter 5

  Dean was accustomed to early mornings. There was a lot to do before eight o’clock when your kids rose with the sun, you had to drop them at school, and you had to open the garage before your staff arrived. But this morning he was shaking things up a little. He needed to get the kids to school by seven-thirty to meet Alice and Ben. No cafe was open so early and Dean had thought to offer they meet at his house or the garage, but it was important that his kids didn’t have the home-ground advantage. The school belonged to all of them; it was neutral.

  He also wanted to carve out a bit of time to talk to Alice, parent to parent. Hopefully, things were resolved this morning, but if they weren’t, Alice and Dean couldn’t go on fighting the kids’ fight.

  Coffee, he decided, just the two of them.

  Things were quiet as he waited in the kitchen for his kids. He heard the odd bump from upstairs, but there was none of the squabbling or laughing that typically accompanied the beginning of each weekday. Everybody’s feelings were still raw from the previous night.

  Dean had sat the kids at the kitchen table and the three of them had had a long, confronting talk about bullying.

  Nina hadn’t seen it coming. Her mouth had dropped open as fast as the pencil in her hand had dropped to the floor. Being in trouble was so foreign to her that she hadn’t known how to react, where to put her hands or when to speak, if at all.

  The conversation had been frustrating for Dean because Nina couldn’t remember what she’d said to Benjamin. He’d tried every angle his tired mind could conjure, but she just kept telling him her back hurt. She’d cried a little, but he’d stayed in his chair, arms folded and expression stern, because Nina had started all of this.

  Rowan had been no help at all. He hadn’t heard what Nina said, and even if he had, Dean knew Ro wouldn’t have told him.

  So he’d been forced to issue a generic warning. Bullying could be both ve
rbal and physical. Bullying was not tolerated. Bullying was cruel. How would you like it if … et cetera, et cetera.

  The ride to school was as quiet as the rest of the morning had been. Rowan stared out the window, Nina at her lap, and Dean thought hard about how to facilitate the meeting with Alice and Ben.

  When he rounded the corner at the school, he saw that Alice and Ben had beat them there. As he parked the car, she and Ben stepped out of their car, pulling their jackets tight around their bodies, their shoulders lifted to protect their ears from the crisp breeze rolling down the street.

  Dean turned in his seat to look at his kids. ‘You’ve both got the power to fix this. Try to imagine how Ben’s feeling, and try to make him feel better.’ He levelled a significant look at each of them, then unclipped his seatbelt. ‘Gloves and scarves. Don’t forget your bags.’

  He got out and waited by the bonnet. When Rowan and Nina were ready, they crossed the road together.

  Guilt and sympathy jangled like a struck bell when Dean looked at Ben and Alice. Ben was staring at the grass near his shoes, his expression pinched and his cheeks flushed. He looked like a kid braced for criticism, but his mother looked like a woman unravelled. Her hair was swept up in a messy ponytail, a far cry from the elegant twists he’d seen the last two days, and the shadows under her eyes were so pronounced he’d thought for a moment they were bruises. She looked washed out, tired and cold. And not that he was an expert on such things, but the only bit of make-up she seemed to be wearing was a streak of lipstick.

  Had this meeting kept her stirring last night, or was something else going on?

  ‘Morning,’ he said to the Jayes.

  Alice nodded and Ben mumbled.

  ‘Ro,’ Dean said, pulling his collar up, ‘is there somewhere out of the wind?’ It felt sharp on his face and his fingertips were cold despite being buried in the pockets of his coat. Each breath hurt, and he’d become painfully aware of the tops of his ears. With everyone this uncomfortable, he’d be lucky if the meeting lasted ten minutes, which mightn’t be long enough to solve anything.

  Rowan nodded and reached for his sister’s hand. He led the group across the grass, along a covered walkway, and into a small enclosed courtyard. Dean could hear the wind whistling overhead, but it didn’t reach them here. It was still cold, but short of piling into one of the cars, it was the best option available.

  Rowan tugged Nina over to one of the bench seats nearby and they sat. Ben took their lead and sat opposite them. Alice joined him wordlessly. The seats were arranged in a U-shape, and Dean couldn’t ignore the significance of being in the middle when he claimed the last one.

  ‘We all know why we’re here,’ he began. His voice sounded rough in his throat and he coughed to clear it. He met Alice’s eyes but saw little more than exhaustion there. He would clearly be leading today’s cosy confab. ‘Who’s going first?’ He was unsurprised when no-one spoke. ‘Nina, you’re up.’

  Her small mouth opened. There was a quiet moment before she finally said, ‘My back hurts.’

  Dean’s disappointed expression made her eyes widen and her lips sag. ‘Sorry,’ she whispered—to Dean, not Benjamin.

  Dean pressed his thumb and index finger to his cold eyelids, reconsidered his angle and tried again. ‘Ben, can you please tell me what Nina said that made you so upset?’ He needed something to focus on, a fact as a foundation of this meeting, and no amount of asking had got anything from his kids.

  Ben flushed and stared at his lap.

  ‘Tell us, please,’ Alice said, to the point, but kind.

  Ben glanced at her then looked down again, as if the words on this tongue were stolen by the sight of her face, and suddenly Dean recognised a little bit of Rowan in Ben. Loyalty was keeping him mute. Perhaps Nina hadn’t said much about Ben, but if she’d said something about his mother …

  ‘Your mum won’t get upset,’ Dean said. Alice’s eyes met his and when they widened slightly, he knew they were on the same page. ‘She’s tough.’

  And just as they had in the garage yesterday, the floodgates opened. ‘Nina said her clothes don’t have holes in them and she gets to buy things for recess and lunch. She kept asking why my clothes were old and why … and why my dad isn’t dead. Her mum’s not around but that’s just cos she’s dead. She said Mum wasn’t as good as you.’

  Discomfort, sympathy and understanding charged into Dean’s body. Eight-year-old ignorance had manifested itself in a barrage of indelicate questions. Nina had realised Ben’s mum was a single parent, just like her dad, and wanted to understand the different situations. Of course Ben had got angry—Nina had made it sound like Alice wasn’t doing a good job, and she’d probably asked questions about Ben’s dad that Ben had no answers for.

  Alice clasped her hands together and pushed them between her knees. Her reaction to this onslaught of news wasn’t obvious, but Dean could see the colour draining from her face.

  What a way to find out that people could see you were doing it tough.

  ‘Nina,’ Dean said to his youngest, ‘why would you ask such upsetting questions? Can you understand why Ben was hurt?’

  ‘But I was hurt.’ Her voice was as quiet as her eyes were round.

  ‘Remember what I said about verbal bullying and physical bullying?’

  Her head and shoulders dropped as she slumped forward. ‘Am I a verbal bully?’

  Dean didn’t know how to answer this. Her questions sounded as though they’d been unrelenting and inquisitive—ignorant, indicative of her age and innocence—but it didn’t seem like she’d been teasing Ben, or had been intentionally cruel. ‘Were you bullying him?’

  She straightened. ‘No! I just wanted to know!’

  Ben leaned forward. ‘It’s none of your business!’

  ‘O­kay!’ she shot back. ‘Sorry!’

  Finally, an apology, albeit a shouted one. That counted, right?

  Seemingly wondering the same thing, Alice said, ‘An apology, good. Now again, without shouting.’

  ‘But he—’

  ‘Ben will go next. You go first.’

  Nina’s lower lip quivered as she stared at the stranger who’d just told her what to do. Dean couldn’t guess what thoughts were bouncing around in her mind, but her attitude changed when her gaze moved to the upset boy. His pain coaxed the words from her that they’d all been waiting for. ‘I’m sorry. A lot.’

  Ben nodded at his knees. ‘Okay. I’m sorry I pushed you.’

  Nina said, ‘Okay.’

  Then Rowan took his turn, unprompted. ‘I’m sorry I hit you. I never hit anybody before. It hurt really bad if that makes you feel better.’

  Everyone smiled, then Ben said, ‘A little.’

  Rowan became suddenly serious. ‘Don’t hurt my sister again.’

  ‘I won’t.’

  He rounded on Nina. ‘And you mind your business.’

  Nina pursed her lips and crossed her arms. This was probably a really crap day for her, Dean thought. For a kid who’d so rarely been in trouble before, everybody seemed to be against her this morning. If Nina had a journal, she’d be writing angry paragraphs tonight.

  ‘I want to talk about that, for a second.’ Dean pressed his arms tighter against his body and said, ‘About other people’s business. Neenz, there are a lot of single parents like Ms Jaye and me, understand? And we all do it a bit differently. When your mum died, it was hard for me, you remember?’ When she nodded solemnly, he continued. ‘But I had so many people to help. I had your uncle Ethan and your aunty Sammy; I had Cal, and now I have Livvy. If I hadn’t had them helping me and helping you guys, things would have been very different. You might have had holes in your clothes. What I’m trying to say is that no-one really knows what someone else is going through, nor how much support they have. You can’t compare families and decide who’s winning—it’s not a competition. We’re all doing the best we can. And if you have questions, there are kinder ways to get to know someone.’

  He g
ot one last ‘okay’ from his daughter, then wrapped things up. Everybody was sorry; his mission was accomplished and he wanted to get somewhere warm. ‘Are you two going to be okay hanging around until school starts?’

  Ro and Neenz nodded, said their goodbyes then left the courtyard. Ben watched them go.

  ‘Do you want to come to the garage for a while?’ Alice asked him.

  He looked back at her, shook his head and shrugged. Then he hugged her, lingering in the comfort of her arms before he also said goodbye and walked away.

  Dean smiled at Alice as they got to their feet. ‘Coffee?’ he asked.

  Her answering smile went a little way towards warming him up. ‘Sounds good.’

  They walked along the path together, hands deep in their pockets. He began to think about how little he knew her. He wanted to know about her life, and until now there hadn’t been the opportunity to really talk with the woman he had known when they were children. Dean was curious about her. What decisions had she made? Who was she, what was her story?

  ‘I’m sorry if that embarrassed you,’ he said, thinking back to the way the colour had drained from her face.

  Alice drew her shoulders back and walked a little taller. ‘Should it have?’

  ‘It shouldn’t have, but I think it did. Listen, if you need any money—’

  Alice stopped walking so suddenly, Dean was two steps ahead by the time he realised. He turned back.

  The wind was whipping hair around her face and the clouds seemed to have moved into her eyes. When she spoke, it sounded like she was barely reining in a sudden temper. ‘Excuse me for saying this, but you don’t know me or my situation. I don’t need any more money than what you pay me.’

  Dean’s lips parted. Surprise emptied his mind. All he managed was a quiet, ‘I’m sorry.’

  She nodded once and looked past him to the street. ‘I’ll see you at eight-thirty. Raincheck on the coffee.’

  * * *

  ‘You’re as bad as Nina,’ Cal said to Dean, his elbows resting on the verandah balustrade and his eyes on Olivia, Rowan and Nina sitting on the chairs by the creek. He rolled the beer in his bottle from side to side, then drank. Seeing Dean’s expression, he elaborated. ‘You don’t just offer a random person money. For all you know, she’s got plenty of it. But offering implies that you think she doesn’t, or that she’s not spending it right.’